Choose To Shave

Johnathan Nightingale, an otherwise upright and honorable man, is leading our world astray. In the name of freedom, adventure, and independence from societal mores, he encourages NSID: No Shaving in December.

Anyone has the freedom to shave or not-shave as they see fit, and I would not dare to take away their right. But do not be hoodwinked by this movement! At its core is not fun-loving independence and adventure. Beneath the surface, behind unshaved faces, lies a sinister purpose: to destroy the conventions upon which proper functioning of society is maintained. It may seem at first glance that shaving is merely a choice, an aspect of personal decoration. But looking deeper, we see that decoration is nothing trivial: the word “decoration” derives from the Latin “decorus”, meaning “fit” or “proper”. Abstaining from shaving is neither fit nor proper in public society, and those who choose this lifestyle should be shunned. Take a stand for decency, wholesomeness, and civic life, and shave regularly and with passion.

Freedom is good. Use it wisely. Choose to shave.

Atom Feed for Comments 9 Responses to “Choose To Shave”

  1. Jay Says:

    NSID Fo’ Life!

  2. Johnathan Nightingale Says:

    If Chuck Norris is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

  3. dria Says:

    Coming from a guy with a beard, i call shenanigans.

  4. Eric Shepherd Says:

    Choosing to do NSID in the most camera-laden month of the year is a sure-fire way to prevent worldwide adoption. Do it in, like, January or March, where nobody takes any pictures. December? That’s crazy.

  5. Brian King Says:

    Society needs a bit of a shake up at this point in history.

  6. Michael Kaply Says:

    My wife said if I don’t shave, see won’t.

    I don’t think that’s a good trade off.

  7. Gary Johnson Says:

    I stand for decency, apple pie and the American way of life. Please get the message out about this sinister plot to undermine the very core and fabric of our society. If Glenn Beck calls, will you answer?

    WTF, you have facial hair. Is this a diversion on a perversion. Are you mocking us. Betty Bowers shall hear of this.

    Never mind.

  8. Matt Zimmerman Says:

    Yeah, Ben, I have to call shenanigans too. You’re awfully fuzzy for a guy calling for clean-shaven decorum. And trimming is not the same as shaving– you haven’t had to really cope with the horrors of nicks and razor burn for what, years now? ;)

  9. Jason Orendorff Says:

    “shave regularly and with passion” tears, streaming down my face

Leave a Reply