Choose To Shave
Johnathan Nightingale, an otherwise upright and honorable man, is leading our world astray. In the name of freedom, adventure, and independence from societal mores, he encourages NSID: No Shaving in December.
Anyone has the freedom to shave or not-shave as they see fit, and I would not dare to take away their right. But do not be hoodwinked by this movement! At its core is not fun-loving independence and adventure. Beneath the surface, behind unshaved faces, lies a sinister purpose: to destroy the conventions upon which proper functioning of society is maintained. It may seem at first glance that shaving is merely a choice, an aspect of personal decoration. But looking deeper, we see that decoration is nothing trivial: the word “decoration” derives from the Latin “decorus”, meaning “fit” or “proper”. Abstaining from shaving is neither fit nor proper in public society, and those who choose this lifestyle should be shunned. Take a stand for decency, wholesomeness, and civic life, and shave regularly and with passion.
Freedom is good. Use it wisely. Choose to shave.
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:07 pm
NSID Fo’ Life!
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:35 pm
If Chuck Norris is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
December 2nd, 2009 at 8:49 pm
Coming from a guy with a beard, i call shenanigans.
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:59 pm
Choosing to do NSID in the most camera-laden month of the year is a sure-fire way to prevent worldwide adoption. Do it in, like, January or March, where nobody takes any pictures. December? That’s crazy.
December 3rd, 2009 at 7:23 am
Society needs a bit of a shake up at this point in history.
December 3rd, 2009 at 10:38 am
My wife said if I don’t shave, see won’t.
I don’t think that’s a good trade off.
December 3rd, 2009 at 10:46 am
I stand for decency, apple pie and the American way of life. Please get the message out about this sinister plot to undermine the very core and fabric of our society. If Glenn Beck calls, will you answer?
WTF, you have facial hair. Is this a diversion on a perversion. Are you mocking us. Betty Bowers shall hear of this.
Never mind.
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Yeah, Ben, I have to call shenanigans too. You’re awfully fuzzy for a guy calling for clean-shaven decorum. And trimming is not the same as shaving– you haven’t had to really cope with the horrors of nicks and razor burn for what, years now? ;)
December 13th, 2009 at 4:00 am
“shave regularly and with passion” tears, streaming down my face